TMWT Quick Read: The Weaponization of Sabr in Domestic Violence Cases
The Tone Up

TMWT Quick Read: The Weaponisation of Sabr in Domestic Violence Cases

TMWT Quick Read is a sub-section under the The Tone-Up”. In this instalment, Raheemat Rafiu rants about the weaponization of Sabr in domestic violence cases, advising women not to buy it.

“Just have Sabr, it’s sunnah to have patience whenever any evil befalls us, just be prayerful, pray Tahajjud, make du’a for him, you know, put him in your prayers, he’s gonna change bla bla bla…”

Those are the words!!! Those are the words that are emotionally chaining Muslim women to their abusers. Men who are supposed to love them, respect them and protect them for the sake of Allah.

It really does hurt to listen to Muslim women who have internalized these toxic lectures. Women forced to believe their reality can never change, and there is little or nothing that can be done except to wallow in the grief and regret that the only man they chose to be with, for the sake of their Rabb has not only abused and oppressed them but has in fact failed them in all ramifications…

“Indeed, Allah is with the patient” Qur’an 2:153 does not apply to a woman who is married to a monster. If we are in harm’s way, as Muslims, we tie our camels and trust Allah. We don’t sit there and just pray. We act. This is the sunnah. This is the Islam we follow!!!

Queen, it might seem like the reality you have right now is the only one you will ever have. It might seem like you’re starting over not only from square one, but square negative. It might seem that you’re too selfish or you’re making a big deal out of your suffering. But Queen, you are not…

You cannot receive healing from the very person who has oppressed you. You cannot sit there and pray without “tying your camel”. You know you’ve waited long enough, you know he’s never going to change. You know if you keep staying, you will lose every single bit of yourself.

Queen, choose you, choose to live, choose to thrive, choose to be happy, choose to stop punishing yourself for what could have been, choose to not “Sabr” out your pain. You can start anew, it’s going to be hard, but you’ll get another chance at life…bi idhni llah…squishy hugs queen 

This essay was first published on Medium

Raheemat Rafiu

Raheemat Rafiu is a writer and PhD Candidate at Missouri University of Science and Technology, United States. She is an advocate against Sexual and Gender-based Violence (SGBV).

You may also like...


  1. Inaam says:

    I agree with every single word you wrote💗 I can’t thank you enough for voicing what I totally believe in and aspire that our Muslim one day would act in such way.. . I thought that I found my soulmate but I found a bitter truth full of lies and trauma…..and I was true to myself and to Allah, I am free to choose and to change and to aspire for a better life… .and I was totally convinced I acted without a pinch of remorse
    Yes the beginning was tough and hurtful but when I glance back I feel so proud of myself of what I have achieved ♥️

    1. says:

      Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah 💕💕💕. I am happy you put you and your lord first!!! Like you said, it starts with one conscious step of “I deserve so much more than this”, and the beautiful journey of self-love continues…I am proud of you for being the strength you need to not only survive, but thrive beautifully 🧡🧡🧡…May Allah be your guide and solace today and always…

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *